KYLIE:
I am okay. It's been a week. I don't wear clothing that showcases my scars and injuries. I've been avoiding mirrors as well. I am still going through the motions at school. I can't avoid them forever. I am still hurt and I am angry. I am just trying to survive. My mom noticed that I've been acting different and she asked me what's wrong. I lied and told her that I'm fine. I can't tell her the truth. She would be devastated.
I see them. The ones who did this to me. They walk around like they're better than everyone. They don't even try to hide the smug looks on their faces. I want to confront them. I want to make them pay. But I can't. Not yet. I need to be strong. I need to find a way to make them regret what they've done.
Cali has been texting me, trying to apologize. I know she feels guilty, but I can't forgive her. Not yet. She was the one who came up with the idea in the first place. She's just as much to blame as the rest of them. I don't respond to her texts. I don't want to hear her apologies. I just want her to leave me alone.
I can't sleep at night. The nightmares are getting worse. Every time I close my eyes, I see their faces. The laughter. The cruelty. It haunts me. I can't eat. My appetite has disappeared. I force myself to go to school, but I feel like a zombie. I can't focus on anything. My grades are starting to suffer.
I try to talk to my mom about it, but she doesn't understand. She thinks I'm just being dramatic. She tells me to forget about it, to move on. But I can't. It's like they've taken a piece of my soul and stomped on it. I feel hollow inside. Empty.
I've thought about it. A lot. There's only one way out of this. One way to make them understand what they've done. One way to make them pay. It terrifies me, but I can't go on like this anymore. I have to end it.
I spend the rest of the day planning. I search the internet for information. I need to make sure I do it right. I don't want to fail. I don't want to suffer anymore. I gather the supplies I'll need. I write a note, trying to explain why I'm doing this. I want them to know it wasn't because of them, it was because of me. It was my choice.
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